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Subject: Pilots Philosophy

From an Airline Pilot.  They have a different sense of humor. 
Pilot Philosophy

The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
The duck can fly.

A check ride ought to be like a skirt.
Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

Speed is life.  Altitude is life insurance.

It only takes two things to fly:
Airspeed, and money.

The three most dangerous things in aviation:
1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
2. Two captains in a DC-9.

Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

New FAA motto:
'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'
I give that landing a 9 . .on the Richter scale.

Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:
"You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

The three best things in life are:
A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement.
A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

15 Differences between Airplanes and Women.... 

 1)  Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time.
  2)  Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.                   
  3)  Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."
  4)  Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.
  5)  Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
  6)  Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
  7)  Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
  8)  Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
  9)  Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.
10)  Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
11)  Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
12)  Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
13)  Airplanes expect to be tied down.
14)  Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
15)  Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong. 

...and One Similarity 

When airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not a good sign.

 

 
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 Dick Fechter
FPS@ 44RF.com)
139 13th St NE
Byron, MN 5592
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